The juggler

I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted. The past month has provided lots of things that I thought might make interesting blog posts and yet, as I sit here, I can't remember any of it!

Life has just been so busy. The past month has been about juggling. A busy and at points, stressful job, a teething toddler, winter viruses, being a wife, relation and friend have pulled me in lots of different directions. Some of these I am very happy to be pulled in and others less so. It's been a challenging month trying to find that balance between work and personal life and I feel as though I am constantly putting myself under pressure. Pressure to make the right choices for my family and I, pressure to stick with those decisions when they are head rather than heart based and pressure to try and do everything well. Our society is fed so many messages about 'having it all' - the perfect relationships, the perfect family, the high flying career, lots of money, the dream house, the best possessions, the perfectly toned body and when we can't do/have it all, we feel like failures. It's exhausting.

I know I have a blessed life. I have a great marriage, an amazing daughter and fun and supportive friends and family. I have a pretty good job, a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear and yet so often I don't feel good enough. I'm not a good enough mum, not a good enough wife, not a good enough daughter. I feel like I should be better at my job, better at being a friend and take more care with my appearance. We are constantly pushed to strive for more, to be more and to have more. It leaves little time to be still and breathe.

The more I reflect on it, the more I realise what a gift contentment is. Contentment doesn't mean that we stop being open to change or that we stop having dreams but that we fully appreciate all that we do have and know that in that moment it is enough.

So for now I am going to find contentment in my juggling act.