Holibobs and reflections

I've just returned from a glorious week in the Cotswolds. I'm a big fan of holidaying in the UK as I think there are so many beautiful and interesting places on offer and quite frankly with a toddler, driving to a cosy holiday cottage in a couple of hours seems much less stressful than taking a toddler on a plane. Having felt stressed, generally ill and a bit fed up this winter, J and I decided that March would be a good time to take a week away to relax and enjoy each other's company without some of the hurdles that our working weeks have to offer.

We booked a beautiful little stone cottage just outside of Cirencester and arrived on Monday afternoon for our week of 'down time'. We deliberately wanted to switch off from some of the things that often distract us so that it felt like a proper break. We used our phones less which meant less time on the internet and rarely had the telly on. Instead we opted for talking, playing with O, doing jigsaws and exploring the local area. We walked lots, ate lots and rested (well as much as you can with an 18 month old who wants to continuously play hide and seek). The week also gave me a bit of time to reflect and think about the things that are important to me in a context away from my normal life.

One of the things that I've written about on this blog and spend a lot of time thinking about relates to how much stuff I have and what type of consumer I am. I feel increasingly challenged to live more simply with less stuff and be more considerate of others and the environment in the way that I consume. Currently I am pretty rubbish at this. Despite having taken loads of stuff to the charity shops recently, my home still feels like it's almost full to bursting. Partly this is because I live in a small house and partly this is because I have a lots of stuff that I don't need. Living out of a suitcase this week showed me how little I actually need and how much easier things are when you have less to look after. I know that back in my normal life, I need a bit more than just the contents of my suitcase but it got me thinking about how much surplus I/we have and whether I actually want it all. J and I had already decided to continue the clear out of our house this year as we prepare to move next year but my holiday has made me more determined to follow this through. 

Another thing I've realised this is how much I want to get into the habit of doing things in the evening rather than watching telly. I have said before that I love watching telly. It's a terrible habit but I often have the tv on when I'm at home, even if I'm not really watching it. It's easy entertainment which is often what I like after a day looking after a toddler or working as I don't really have to think or concentrate. I suspect that I am not alone in this habit but I am not sure how healthy it is. This week it felt really nice to turn off the telly and do a jigsaw. Not a particularly 'cool' activity but I've never been particularly cool so it doesn't matter. It provided an opportunity to focus on something that was quite relaxing and meant that J and I spent some good quality time talking and laughing together.

The best thing about this week was that I got to spend it with two of my most favourite people. I love being with J and O and whilst it can sometimes be a challenge to spend 24/7 with people, I really enjoy their company and spending time with them.

I guess the main theme of my reflections this week relate to the quality of my life. Am I living life to it's fullest? Are there other things in life that I would like to try/explore? What are my values and how can I live in a way that is authentic and true to my personal morals and views?

I suppose these will be questions that I will ask again and again but I think they are important questions. We all have the opportunity to make choices in life. I want to make sure that the choices I make are the best ones and it was helpful to have some time to think about this in more detail. How easy to put some of these thoughts into practise remains to be seen but I'll be giving it a good go!

 

Turn that frown upside down!

So I was planning to write a blog about how cack this week has been. How following a lovely mothers day, most of the family was struck down with a stomach bug which totally threw everyone's week off plan, made everyone feel pretty darn rubbish and resulted in me having to do two really long conference calls with a shouty 18 month old in the background.

However today is the international day of happiness and so I thought I'd actually take some time to think about the things that make me happy. Although I'm sure it could be much longer, here are some of the things that just make me feel good...

• My daughter's laugh
• My husband's silly sense of humour
• Dancing around the house with O
• Doing nice things for people
• Laying in bed reading
• Having freshly cut flowers in the house
• A really long shower
• Watching 'Some like it hot'
• Wearing red lipstick
• Watching O walk in her wellies
• Eating fajitas with friends
• Walking along the beach
• A hot bath filled with scented oils
• Listening to old French jazz in the sunshine
• Dancing to 70's disco music
• Wearing perfume
• Seeing cherry blossoms in full bloom
• French onion soup with thick slices of cheese on toast
• Knowing that next week I am on annual leave
• Listening to the sound of heavy rain whilst I sit in a cosy house
• Cinnamon scented candles
• Sunday afternoon naps
• Pretty much anything with a bretton stripe
• Looking at my engagement ring - it's just so sparkly!
• How O has started to give me really tight cuddles

It's quite a long list and I could go on.

What makes you happy? Let's end the week on a high!

WARNING! This post is abnormally sentimental!

So tomorrow is my second mother's day. The past 18 months as a mother have taught me so much and challenged me more than I ever imagined. Motherhood brings me unrivalled joy and yet fills me with anxiety. It has made me look at myself and the world in a whole new way. I cannot describe how it feels to be responsible for nurturing a tiny human being, to be the one that they look to for comfort and guidance. Being a mum makes me want to be a better person, be more generous, be kinder, more caring, more considerate and model a strong but gentle woman to my daughter as she grows. Being a mum has, and I suspect will continue to push my emotions to the limit but without doubt it is one of THE MOST fun experiences of my life. O has a wonderful sense of humour and I love watching her pulling faces or doing python-esque silly walks to make me laugh. I will never tire of the joy of dancing around the house with her, holding her hand when we walk down the street or blowing raspberries on her neck to make her laugh. I cherish every day that I have with her. Even the days where she has screamed all days or the days she has tested my patience to the limits.

One of the other things about becoming a mother is the way in which it has given me a new perspective on my own mum and the relationship that we have. I have a renewed respect for the woman my mum is, for the things that she has taught me and the sacrifices that she made for me. I am so thankful that she has allowed me to explore the world and figure out who I am (still a work in progress) but always provides a safe place to come back to. I am thankful for how she has has never judged me, always been supportive and exceedingly generous. I am pretty sure that I don't say thank you to her enough and that I drive her crazy for a variety of reasons (lack of ironed clothes to name one) but I am so appreciative that she is my mum :-)

So as I reflect on the theme of motherhood, I look forward to continuing the journey with some truly wonderful individuals and I hope that they enjoy the journey with me.

My name is Kate and I am a comfort eater...

For as long as I can remember I have had a sweet tooth. I have on too many an occasion, replaced meals with cake and quite frankly feel a little twitchy if there is no chocolate in the house.

Partner a sweet tooth with cold viruses, a stressful time at work, an ill and teething toddler and a general feeling of tiredness means that my diet has not been as healthy as it could be in the past few weeks. Healthy eating has been ignored in favour of food that requires little or no preparation (hello oven pizza!) and I have found it very easy to go to the cupboard to get out any food with a high sugar content and devour it within seconds. There is only so long however that I can do this before my body makes a protest. Last night , it protested and I realised that I need to stop eating so much junk food and eat something with vitamins in!

The stupid thing is that I feel so much better when my diet is better. I probably wouldn't be feeling so sluggish now if I hadn't eaten for comfort rather than nourishment.

Don't get me wrong I am never going to be someone who drinks vegetable smoothies or cuts out chocolate and caffeine from their diet (a huge well done if that's you though!) but I do need to get a better balance. Despite enjoying fruit and vegetables, for some reason I find it so much easier to go for the chocolate muffin rather than the pear sat next to it.

I am also becoming increasingly aware of the example that I set for O. As she grows and no longer remains in the place that I put her down, I am all too aware of her beady little eyes peering in to the kitchen as she watches me scoff a heaped spoonful of Nutella from the jar. I want her to be part of a family that eats healthily and in moderation. I recently watched a programme exploring obesity and tooth decay in children and I found it terrifying. It certainly reminded me of how much O will learn from me and that I want my influence to be as positive and healthy as possible.

I suspect that this will be an ongoing theme for me and I am sure that there will be times when I once again eat too much junk, but for now I have a homemade vegetable pasta bake cooking away which feels like a step in the right direction.

The juggler

I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted. The past month has provided lots of things that I thought might make interesting blog posts and yet, as I sit here, I can't remember any of it!

Life has just been so busy. The past month has been about juggling. A busy and at points, stressful job, a teething toddler, winter viruses, being a wife, relation and friend have pulled me in lots of different directions. Some of these I am very happy to be pulled in and others less so. It's been a challenging month trying to find that balance between work and personal life and I feel as though I am constantly putting myself under pressure. Pressure to make the right choices for my family and I, pressure to stick with those decisions when they are head rather than heart based and pressure to try and do everything well. Our society is fed so many messages about 'having it all' - the perfect relationships, the perfect family, the high flying career, lots of money, the dream house, the best possessions, the perfectly toned body and when we can't do/have it all, we feel like failures. It's exhausting.

I know I have a blessed life. I have a great marriage, an amazing daughter and fun and supportive friends and family. I have a pretty good job, a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear and yet so often I don't feel good enough. I'm not a good enough mum, not a good enough wife, not a good enough daughter. I feel like I should be better at my job, better at being a friend and take more care with my appearance. We are constantly pushed to strive for more, to be more and to have more. It leaves little time to be still and breathe.

The more I reflect on it, the more I realise what a gift contentment is. Contentment doesn't mean that we stop being open to change or that we stop having dreams but that we fully appreciate all that we do have and know that in that moment it is enough.

So for now I am going to find contentment in my juggling act.