Joy is a choice....

I read this phrase today on a chalkboard in someone's kitchen and it got me thinking about the week that has just been. It was my first week back at work after a brilliant period of maternity leave. It was one of the hardest weeks I have ever experienced. This week has been punctuated with tears, panic attacks, a parking ticket and swearing.  Not great but I got through it. Being joyful has not been on my list as I have battled through the week feeling frustrated that certain parts of life are not how I want them to be.

The thing is, the things that I would like to be different are not going to happen in the near future so do I carry on being miserable or do I choose to be joyful. I choose joy.

I do not expect this to be the easiest route but I do know that I don't want to wallow in self pity, sounding like a broken record on repeat as I constantly moan. It's boring for everyone around me, boring for me and completely unhealthy. So I am going to endeavour to find the joy in my situation and be more thankful for it. Having considered this point, here are some of the things I am thankful for...

• I have a job that allows me to pay the bills, live in a comfortable home, eat 3 meals a day and have the occasional treat. The current economic climate means that so many are not able to make ends meet so I must find the joy in the fact that we have enough money to live well.

• I work part time. I am fortunate that I can earn as much as I need on part time hours which means I get to spend more time with my family and friends.

• The joy on my daughter's face when I get home from work. This is a reward like no other.

• I work with some cracking people. It makes the time at work a bit easier.

• Being back at work has helped me to feel like I am moving towards that place I want to be (in a 'forever' family home and finacial comfortable).

I know that I will not always remember these things. I know that I will still find going to work hard, that I will still cry about it, that the panic attacks will come again but I am going to try and be more joyful.

I choose joy.

The end of maternity leave approacheth....

So the title explains it all really. I am back to work on Monday. The need to refine my time keeping skills is here as I know that I have to get O and myself ready and out of the house on time so that I am not late to the office. I have been preparing myself for the fact that I am no longer going to get to spend as much time with O as I'd like and that I am likely to miss some of her 'firsts'. I am swapping my pj's and jeans for office wear and my telly for Microsoft Outlook.

I have absolutely LOVED maternity leave. Every single minute of it and so I have been dragging out this last week as much as I possibly can. J has been on annual leave and we've had a staycation filled with family time, sunshiney walks, Breaking Bad and cake. We've also taken care of a few householdy jobs that have been waiting to be finished and have overlooked others for another time.

It feels strange to be rejoining the rat race, particularly in the knowledge of the beautiful tiny person I will be leaving behind to do so but I am hoping it will be a positive experience for us both. I suspect that there will be some tears and tantrums in the first few weeks (from me, not O) but I am told it gets easier.

For now though, I am going to just enjoy the sunshine and the weekend.

A simple but wonderful weekend

I've had one of those weekends that was completely chilled. No particular plans resulted in a Saturday going out for lunch with J and O, wandering around gardens centres, watching films and a few episodes of House of Cards (hooray for Netflix!) and eating roast gammon whilst listening to jazz. Sunday was a morning at church followed by an impromtu family lunch and a walk around the nicer parts of the area I live in lusting after houses I can't afford. A few more episodes of House of Cards and I am now sat in my pjs writing this blog. Nothing extravagent, nothing extraordinary but cosy and comfortable.

Whilst I love getting out and about experiencing new people and places, I also love these times of spontenaiety and relaxation.

This was just the weekend I needed as I prepare for a busy week. I've got three work related meetings to go to in preparation for the end of my maternity leave in two weeks (argh!). This might not sound like much to those of you working your socks off in busy jobs but they will be long and complex meetings. I will have lots of information to process and after almost a year away am finding it quite daunting to be getting back into the swing of working with the new addition of being responsible for a small but demanding human.

I sure all will work out, but for now I am just going to enjoy my lack of plans.