Not a bucket list bucket list....

I'm the kind of person who often thinks about all the things I'd like to experience during my lifetime. We are conditioned to consume as much as possible, travel as much as possible and fill our lives with as much as we can before our time in this world is up. We are told that by doing this we will be fulfilled and can often find ourselves comparing our lives to others. This combined with the knowledge that life is shorter than many of us would like makes us desperate to fill our lives with as much as we can so that we can feel like we are doing something with our lives and not wasting our time. The idea of putting together a bucket list (a list of things to do before you die) has become increasingly popular in our society and I have been suckered into putting together one of my own. However recently I have started to think about whether this is actually a healthy thing to do.

In creating a bucket list, are we setting ourselves up for disappointment if we are unable to complete our list?

Can we put so much pressure on completing our bucket list that we fail to truly enjoy life and the little things?

Can putting so much emphasis on completing a bucket list mean that every day life feels insignificant making us feel disappointed with daily life?

When I ponder these questions,  I find myself saying 'yes' to all of the above.

In reality, there is loads of stuff I'd like to do in life but I don't want to feel that crossing off items on my list means that I end up feeling disappointed with my day to day life. Nor do I want to miss the brilliant stuff in my daily life because I'm so preoccupied with my plans.

I want to look back on life and know that I was present in it, that I really noticed the things that matter. Now this doesn't mean that there isn't stuff I'd love to be able to do. I'd love to stay at Claridges, travel on the Orient Express, see the Northern Lights, take my children to Disneyland and go on a tropical holiday among many things but I don't want to stop ignoring the small things. With this in mind, I've decided to put a weekly post on this blog acknowledging the small but wonderful things in life. The stuff that may not seem like much but makes us feel alive and content. Things like, eating the last of a tiramisu from the dish with my husband (happened tonight after dinner) or taking a hot bath that's filled with scented oil (it feels like one of the ultimate luxuries).

I've not had many comments about this blog but as a nosey person I'd love to hear about the simple things in your life that you love.

Let's start to really appreciate the simple stuff.

The days that celebrates mums!

So today marks my first official mother's day as a mother. I thought this would be a good opportunity to share some of the things I love about my litte girl and being her mum...

★ How she gives me a huge smile when I go to get her out of her cot in the mornings

★ Hearing her amazing and infectious belly laugh

★ Watching her explore the world as she sees it for the first time

★ How she always ends up sleeping face down with her bum in the air

★ How she screws up her face when trying new flavours

★ Being able to soothe her when no-one else can

★ I can dress her as I please (mwahahaha!)

★ How she holds my hand or reaches for my face when I give her a bottle

★ Afternoon snuggles/naps in front of the tv

Now there are plenty of things that are difficult, frustrating or gross when parenting babies (explosive or leaking poo, sick/milk in your clothes/hair, a teething scream so shrill we have dogs waiting outside, the lounge looking like a toyshop). I miss being able to just 'pop' out. I feel sad that going to Waitrose on my own has become an exciting event and would love one day that wasn't bound by the feeding/pooing/sleeping routine of a baby. However I wouldn't change any of it because I have the awesome privilege of being O's mummy. I am so excited to see her grow and develop. I can't wait to share the things I know and love with her. I thank God for her and love the fact that I get to spend time with her each and every day (at least until she realises that I am not cool or that funny!).

Confession time

So all, I've have a confession.  Today I broke lent. I bought a dress. I bought it for the following reasons...

• I am going to a party in a couple of weeks and want to dress up a bit
• I tried on the pre pregnancy dresses I own that I wanted to wear and they don't fit (yet!)
• I tried on the dress I own that does fit and I looked like a sack of potatoes
• I want to feel good about myself when I go out for the evening

Therefore a new challenge was set: finding a dress that doesn't make me look like a sack of potatoes and that I feel good wearing. Shouldn't be too tricky right?!

I couldn't bear the thought of trawling the high street with a buggy (shopping with babies is too much faff for my liking) so I opted for a nice quick online shop. 3 hours later and I have found a dress that MIGHT, just might look ok.

I think the main problem was knowing how to shop for my post pregnancy body. Now I have never had a model figure but before having O, I knew what styles suited my body and could pretty confidently pick a dress that would suit me (in my opinion anyway!). Now however I have got no clue! I knew that having a baby would change my body but I was not prepared for how much! All of a sudden it's like everything has got bigger. Bigger stomach (pretty obvious really), bigger bum, bigger thighs, bigger boobs, bigger back, bigger arms, even bigger fingers! I don't know how to dress for this body other than cover as much as possible so that I don't scare people with my post caesarian gut! I don't know about other mums but I feel torn about this new figure. On one hand I know it's flippin' amazing. It grew another person and had survived the trauma of said person coming out (and it really was a trauma). It's a miracle how much my body has achieved and yet I look at my body and all I see are the stretch marks, the scars and the bigger bits and I don't feel good about it at all. I know my body will continue to change as I lose the baby weight and get a bit fitter but throughout the journey I want to feel like I look ok.

So I broke lent. I bought a dress. I hope it fits. I hope I don't look like a sack of potatoes.

The halfway point!

So, I'm halfway through lent and it's not too bad.

Clothes bought = 0
Trashy tv programmes watched = 0
Looks at properties for sale online = 0

Pretty good going I think although I am absolutely desperate to search for houses! I love daydreaming about the 'forever house', seeing what I could get for my money and having a general nosey around other people's houses from the comfort of my own sofa. I miss it but I will resist (for the next 20 days at least).

In other news this week,

Weight loss =2lb
Colds aquired = 1
Episodes of 24 watched in two days = 12
Items of make up purchased = 6

As you can see, nothing revolutionary has happened this week so far. It's been simple and pretty uneventful but sometimes that's just what the doctor ordered.

Fighting the fat

Getting rid of post pregnancy weight is flippin' hard! I don't think I'd have put so much weight on during my pregnancy if it weren't for having been prescribed so much bedrest (I wasn't even allowed to open my dishwasher!). Consequently I spent a LOT of time sitting, eating and putting on weight. Until now I have tried very half heartedly to lose weight anf have only lost about 6lb. I want to lose another stone (a little more would be great) and I want to lose it now.

I am publicly announcing my attempt to lose a stone before the summer! I want this to be a sustainable weight loss so am going to do it gradually and in a way that is realistic for me. I still want to enjoy the occasional treat so will basically cut down on the 'delicious therefore inevitably bad' food and exercise more.

I have identified three main vices that I need to seriously cut back on;
• chocolate - I LOVE chocolate. I could eat it all the time. It has replaced many meals and been eaten as an ending to many meals. I need to eat a lot less. I don't want diabetes and I don't want to be fat.
• cola - I drink too much of this seriously sugary drink. I need to drink less.
• salad cream - I love salad cream and put it on way too many things but it is really high in fat and sugar. I need to eat less.

I am also going to eat less carbs. That means less bread and less pasta.

I am also going to exercise more. I hate exercise but I know it will help me lose weight. I will be walking more, dancing round the house more with O and using my mother in laws exercise bike.

Hopefully in a few months, I'll be back to my pre pregnancy weight and back into those pre pregnancy clothes that are still a  little too tight.

I also want to do this for my little girl. Now that she is starting to eat solids and take more notice of what is happening around her, I want her to see a mum that is active and who eats healthily.

I know that I can do this because I lost 3 stone in the run up to my wedding.

I am not going to post my current weight here as I'm embarrassed about it but will let you know if I lose any!

In other news, I haven't broken my lent challenges although I REALLY want to look at properties online. I didn't realise it had become such a habit!

Sunshiney weekend

I don't know about you but I was delighted to see the sun popping out to say hello this weekend. The fact that my skin is ridiculously pale means that I am not the kind of person who enjoys sunbathing as I go from white to a lovely shade of salmon pink in a matter of seconds but I do find that everything is a bit nicer when the sun is out. People (including me) are in better moods and I find that the place I live looks a little nicer. The sun inspired me to walk 7 miles yesterday.  I am lucky to live near the beach but I only really enjoy it when the weather is nice and yesterday was the perfect opportunity. My walk not only gave me the chance to get some exercise and fresh air but made me feel much less guilty about the two helpings of rice pudding I had at lunch.

The other brilliant thing about this weekend was that I got to catch up with some of my fabulous friends. Having had a particularly rotten pregnancy and also needing a few months to adjust to life with a new born, my husband and I realised that we had become social hermits. We have made a decision to re-enter society and so have decided to make more effort to spend time with our friends, doing the things that we love, talking, eating and laughing.

Here's hoping the good weather continues so we can get the bbq out!

Lent

This year, for the first time ever I am giving up things for lent. As I type this, I feel like a pang of guilt, as I feel that because I proclaim to be a Christian, I should automatically give stuff for lent and am therefore now going to be seen as a ' bad' Christian for not doing so. I suspect this is my own perception rather than reality but we'll see after people read this blog!

I think the reason for not giving stuff up in previous years is that I never really understood what it meant and why I should. I still don't really. The thing is, I have a pretty simple faith. I believe in God. I believe in the death and ressurection of Christ. I try to live my life in a way that follows the example of Jesus and is hopefully pleasing to God. I am not a theologian. I have not read the bible (another confession!) and actually know very few stories from the 'good book' in any depth. Therefore my decision to acknowledge lent this year has very simple reasoning. Basically I think it'll do me good to give up some of the stuff in my life that isn't particularly healthy thus giving me more time to live my life, reflect on it, reflect on my relationship with God and prove to myself that I can do it.

I've chosen to give up three things for lent which may seem trivial to you but often waste my time, waste my money and make me feel a bit fed up. The following things are out of my life for 40 days (maybe longer)....

• Buying clothes, shoes and accessories. I spend a lot of time and money shopping for clothes I don't need. Having not yet lost my pregnancy weight, this is a total waste of money as I am hoping to fit into smaller clothes sooner rather than later and I generally end up not looking how I'd like which just makes me feel a bit naff.

• Watching trash tv. Being on maternity leave has given me time to watch and follow terrible tv series (Housewives of wherever, matchmaking programmes etc). I don't want to look back on this period of my life and only remember the arguement between Vicky and Brielle or the meltdown that Taylor had over nothing. Plus I watch these shows and just get really angry at how far removed from real life these people are. I want to live my life in the real world.

• Looking at properties for sale online. I don't make any secret of the fact that I'd like to move house but I can't afford to yet. So why torture myself looking at houses I can't afford and envying what other people have?!

So a week in and it's going ok. I'd love to look online at houses but I'm still allowed to watch property programmes so at least for the next 33 days Phil and Kirsty will have to suffice.

Anyone else doing lent?

Back to reality

So after a lovely week away, normality resumes but life is hopefully a little altered for the better by the time spent with family and friends in a beautiful part of the world. I always like to spend a bit of time on holiday reflecting on my life and thinking about my hopes and dreams. Here is what I concluded during this holiday's musings....

• I don't take enough time to marvel at the beautiful world we live in. It was an absolute joy to watch O's face as we showed her the landscape of the Peak District.  Her face lit up as she looked at the views around her (certainly beats the view of the inside of her carry cot) and in turn it made me look at these breathtaking views with renewed awe and wonder. Whilst we live in a turbulent and often frightening world, we are also surrounded by vast beauty and I for one need to spend more time immersing myself in the latter.

•Small thing are wonderful. This revelation came to me in the form of a delicious plate of sausage and mash. Why do we need to make life so complicated and consequently stressful when we can find so much joy in the simple things like a plate of sausage and mash, a good conversation, a walk in the sunshine, a hot bath or a comfy bed to sleep in.

• I don't need as much stuff as I thought. For a while now, I have felt challenged to own less stuff but this holiday challenged my views even more. With a baby in tow, there was much less room for my luggage so I packed less. I wore the same pair of shoes for the whole week and the only make up I took was a mascara and a lipstick. Nothing bad happened due to the lack of stuff I had with me and I noticed I wasn't as worried about how I looked.

• A holiday with a baby isn't that much of a holiday. I am in no way saying that I didn't enjoy my holiday. I did. It was lovely. However babies don't realise they're on holiday and so still expect their 6am feed and to be in bed by 7pm. O pretty much dictated our days by her routine and I didn't get the lay ins I have dreamt of but it was brilliant to spend a week as family without the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Perhaps these reflections seem a bit 'deep' after all I was on holiday but they were all fuelled by good conversations, lots of laughter, fabulous surroundings, music and lots of cake.